Cost to Get Married?
The little boy asked his dad one evening, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
“I don’t know, son,” he said. “I’m still paying for it.”
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A man was complaining to a friend:
“I had it all; money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!”
“What happened?” asked the friend.
“My wife found out…”
At the marriage counselor’s office, the woman complained, “What’s-his-name here says I don’t give him enough attention.”
My wife is so immature, every time I take a bath, she comes in and sinks my little boats!
Son:“Mom, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’ and ‘long ago’?”
Mom:“No dear, sometimes they begin with ‘honey, I was delayed at the office…'”
Husband: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.
Wife: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
Better Than Drunk
Outraged wife: Couldn’t you think of anything better than coming home drunk like this?
Husband: Yes, but she was out of town!
Mrs. Riley, you say you divorced your husband 6 years ago, but you have a newborn infant and children 1, 2, 3, and 4 years old. How come?
Well, every year, he comes back to apologize.
What’s it called when…?
What’s it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
I saw my old girlfriend the other day and she had her wedding ring on the wrong finger.
When I pointed this out to her, she said, “I know, I married the wrong man.”
Husband Looks Bad
The doctor came out of the operating room to talk with the man’s wife. “I don’t like the looks of your husband,” he said.
“Neither do I,” said the wife, “but he’s not home much, and he’s great with the kids.”
Do you know what it means to come home to a man who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, and a little tenderness?
It means you’re in the wrong house!
Miss My Ex
I Still Miss My Ex..But My Aim Is Getting Better!
Besides, I Love You
Besides “I love you”, what three words does a wife want to hear most?
“I’ll fix it.”
My wife thinks I’m too nosy. At least that’s what she keeps writing in her diary!
Earn cash in your spare time…
Earn cash in your spare time.. blackmail your friends!
Q. Why do men always want their brides to wear white?
A. Because they want their dish washer to match their fridge and stove.
I’m listening, dear.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don’t like to interrupt her.
New Barbie Doll
Have You heard about the new Divorce Barbie Doll?
It comes with all of Ken’s stuff!
Cause Hearing Loss In Men
What’s the easiest way for a wife to cause hearing loss in her husband?
Say she wants to talk to him.
On Childless Marriage
My marriage is childless so far, except for my husband!
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn’t find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, “Great, so now you’re cheating on me with a bald woman!”
My ex-husband (or ex-wife) was very responsible.
If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
Husband’s Average Income?
Income tax examiner: What’s your husband’s average income?
Wife: Oh, about midnight.
Why Mothers Cry
If it’s true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings!
I love my wife
If your wife comes out of the kitchen and starts complaining, what does that mean?
Her chain is to long!
What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary?
Get married on his birthday.
Marriage counselor to female client: Maybe your problem is that you’ve been waking up grumpy every morning.
Client: No, I always let him sleep.
My Only Extravagance
“Okay,” said the wife, “I’ll admit I like to spend money, but it’s the only extravagance I have!”