Relationships
Cost to Get Married?
One evening, a young boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, what is the price of marriage?"
"I really couldn't tell you, son," he answered. "I'm still settling the bill."
Man’s Intention
What drives men to pursue women they have no plans to marry?
The identical impulse that compels dogs to chase vehicles they have no plans to drive.
Everything Gone!
A fellow was grumbling to a buddy:
"I had everything; wealth, a magnificent home, a fancy automobile, the devotion of a wonderful woman; then, Crash! everything evaporated!"
"What took place?" his friend asked.
"My wife discovered the secret…"
More Attention
At the marriage counselor's clinic, the woman expressed her frustration: "That person right there claims I don't provide him sufficient consideration."
Immature Wife
My wife is so juvenile that whenever I'm in the tub, she comes in and destroys my miniature ships!
Fairy tales
Boy: "Mother, do all fairy tales begin with 'Somewhere in time' or 'many years ago'?"
Mother: "Not necessarily, sweetie; often they begin with 'honey, I was detained at work…'"
Fun Tonight?
Husband: Why don't we go out and enjoy ourselves this evening?
Wife: That sounds good, but if you happen to arrive home earlier than I do, please leave the entranceway light on.
Better Than Drunk
Enraged wife: Surely you could have thought of anything aside from returning home in this drunken state?
Husband: Actually, I did consider other options, but she wasn't available!
Apologetic Spouse
Mrs. Riley, you say you divorced your husband 6 years ago, but you have a newborn infant and children 1, 2, 3, and 4 years old. How come?
Well, each year, he reappears to ask for forgiveness.
What’s it called when…?
What do you call it when a woman is incapable of movement from the hips downward?
Marriage.
Wrong Finger
I ran into an ex-girlfriend not long ago, and she had her wedding ring on the wrong hand.
When I mentioned it to her, she responded, "Yeah, I understand; I married the wrong guy."
Husband Looks Bad
The surgeon came out of the operating room to converse with the man's wife. "I'm not impressed by your husband," he said.
"Neither am I," replied the wife, "but he's seldom at home, and he's wonderful with the children."
Wrong House?
Do you realize what it signifies to return home to a man who will give you some love, some tenderness, and some care?
It means you've walked into the wrong place!
Miss My Ex
I Still Think About My Ex..But My Accuracy Is Improving!
Besides, I Love You
Apart from "I love you", what three words would a wife most like to hear?
"I'll handle that."
Nosy husband…
My wife says I'm overly curious. Or at least, that's what she's constantly recording in her diary!
Earn cash in your spare time…
Make money in your downtime.. extort funds from your buddies!
Bride Joke
Q. What is the reason men prefer their new wives to dress in white?
A. Because they desire their sink to coordinate with their refrigerator and stove.
I’m listening, dear.
I haven't had a conversation with my wife in 18 months.
I hate to cut her off.
New Barbie Doll
Have You come across the latest Breakup Barbie?
It comes packed with all of Ken's things!
Cause Hearing Loss In Men
What is the quickest way for a wife to give her husband hearing damage?
Tell him she needs to have a conversation with you.
On Childless Marriage
My marriage has no kids yet, except my husband is acting like one!
A Suspecting Spouse
Once there was a wife so suspicious that one night when her husband got home and she discovered no strands on his coat she ranted, "Perfect, so you're now with a woman without any hair!"
Responsible Husband
My previous husband (or ex-wife) was remarkably accountable.
Whenever something went bad, he was almost certainly the reason.
Husband’s Average Income?
Tax investigator: What does your spouse make on average?
Wife: Oh, about midnight.
Why Mothers Cry
If the saying holds that women tend to marry men resembling their dads, one can see why so many mothers shed tears at weddings!
I love my wife
When your wife exits the kitchen and begins protesting, what's that telling you?
Her leash is excessively long!
Remembering Anniversary
What is the easiest way to make sure your husband won't overlook your wedding day?
Schedule the wedding on the day he was born.
Waking Grumpy
Marriage counselor to female client: Perhaps your issue is that you're waking up in a bad mood every single day.
Client: No, I always allow him to sleep.
My Only Extravagance
"Alright," said the wife, "I'll concede that I do like spending money, but it's my only indulgence!"
