Gender slam
Words From Famous Women
"I'm not bothered by those jokes about dumb blondes since I'm aware I'm neither unintelligent…nor do I have blonde hair."
– Dolly Parton
"If the kids are still alive by the time I get home, then I consider my parenting duties successful."
"I won't use a vacuum until Sears creates one you can actually ride on."
– Roseanne
"My husband and I need to decide: get a dog or have a child. We're torn between what would damage more—our carpet or our future."
– Rita Rudner
"Prevario me da se udam. Obećavao je da je trudna."
– Carol Leifer
"After so many blind dates, I deserve a complimentary dog.""It turns out my mother knew why cats drink from the toilet—because it's cold in there. I was amazed: How did my mother figure THAT out?"
– Wendy Liebman
"Razmisliš - to znači da ostaneš sama."
– Lizz Winstead
"Every woman can look glamorous. The secret is to simply remain motionless and act foolish."
– Hedy Lamarr
"Žene kada su u depresiji obično jede ili idu u kupovinu. Muškarci umesto toga osvajaju nove države."
– Elayne Boosler
"Većinu svoje odjeće biram prema onome što me ne svrbi."
– Gilda Radner
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Why is it so hard
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring
and good-looking?
A: Because all those men already have boyfriends.
Miss Right
Oženio sam Miss Tačna.
Nikad nisam znao da joj je prvo ime "Uvek."
Men And Cats Similar?
In what way are a husband and a cat alike when handling household tasks?
Both of them dread the vacuum cleaner.
Why married women get heavy?
Q. What's the reason married women tend to be heavier than single women?
A. Single women get home, check the refrigerator, then go to sleep.
Married women get home, check what's in bed, and then check the refrigerator.
Men have only two faults…
Men have only 2 flaws, while women have numerous:
Every word they utter and every action they take.
Men Exercise On the Beach
Kako se muškarci vežbaju na plaži?
Uvlačeći stomak svaki put kada vide nečiji bikini.
Change Toilet Paper?
What's the number of men needed to put in a new toilet paper roll?
No one's sure. It's never been done.
Why Man, Then Woman
God made man first, followed by woman, since you must complete a sketch before producing a work of art.
No Such Thing As Good Man
Unmarried women insist that every quality man is already married, while wives always gripe about their terrible partners.
This proves that quality men simply don't exist.
Riddle: IQ and Football
What creature has four sets of limbs and a combined I.Q. of 60?
Four fellows watching a sports match.
Psihoanaliza Brža za Muškarce
What makes therapy for men more efficient than for women?
Since he lives in childhood constantly, there's nowhere to go back to.
Commonality In Sexes
What trait do men and women share?
Both question men's reliability.
Dumber Sex
A girl's most precious companion is diamonds. A man's most precious companion is a dog.
So then, which group lacks intelligence?
Dating Young Women
A man approaching 40 who's single often struggles to find a woman at his maturity level. That's why he chooses someone considerably younger.
Why Female Astronauts?
What benefit comes from having women in our space programs?
Should the spacecraft lose its way in orbit, the female astronaut will definitely ask for directions.
50/50 Relationship
How do men define a “50/50” relationship?
Women cook, men eat;
women clean, men get dirty;
women iron, men wrinkle.
Finally Figured Out Women
Have you heard of the man who eventually understood women?
He collapsed in hysterical laughter and never got the chance to share it.
Man Need
A man could meet all of a woman's needs, assuming her only wishes involve intimacy, watching games, and fetching him a drink.
Avoiding Wrong Career Riddle
Kako neki muškarci izbegavaju loš potez u karijeri?
Nikad ne dobe posao!
Thinnest World’s Book Is…
Which book has the fewest pages in existence?
Everything men comprehend about women.
Wandering Tribes
Do you know the explanation for why the Israeli people spent 40 years in the wasteland?
Because men back then, just like today, would never pause to ask for guidance.
A Well Dressed Man
What can you tell right away about a man with excellent fashion sense?
His spouse has talent for choosing clothes!
Confusing women!!
What confuses a woman?
Offering her multiple options!!
Keeps Her Youth
How does a mature woman maintain her youthful years?
Through financial generosity toward him!
"Beneath each accomplished man stands an astonished woman."
– Maryon Pearson
"Today's real challenge isn't appointing a brilliant female scientist to a junior faculty role. Rather, it's ensuring an unremarkable woman advances as swiftly as an unremarkable man."
– Bella Abzug
"In politics, consult a man when you need something articulated; consult a woman when you need something completed."
– Margaret Thatcher
"I've never encountered a man soliciting advice on managing both matrimony and professional ambitions."
"Several of us are transforming into the men we once dreamed of marrying."
– Gloria Steinem
"I occasionally ponder whether the sexes are truly compatible. It might be better if they inhabited neighboring residences and visited occasionally."
– Katharine Hepburn
"I chose not to wed since it wasn't essential. I have three animals at home that fulfill the same function as a husband. There's a dog that snarls upon waking, a parrot that curses throughout midday, and a feline that returns after nightfall."
– Marie Corelli
"If men can govern the planet, why do they persist in wearing neckties? What intelligence exists in beginning each day by fastening a cord around your throat?"
– Linda Ellerbee
"I'm an exceptional domestic manager. Every time I end a relationship, I retain the property."
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Few Men In Heaven
Why do only few men achieve heaven?
They refuse to pause and request guidance.
Shorties
A young boy questioned his father, "Dad, what is the expense of marriage?"
The father responded, "I couldn't tell you, son—I'm still paying for it!"
~~~
First fellow (proudly): "My spouse is angelic!"
Second fellow: "You're fortunate—mine is still around."
Man Who Lost Most of His Mental Capacity
What is the term for a man who has misplaced 90% of his intellectual ability?
A divorcee
Problems and Male Gender
Have you observed that countless women's complications trace back to the male element?
MENstruation, MENopause, MENtal breakdown, GUYnecology, HIMmorrhoids…
Hungry Beggar
A vagrant approaches a well-dressed shopper on Rodeo Drive and declares, "I haven't consumed food in four days."
She regards him and says, "Goodness, I admire your self-discipline."
Women Appearance
Why do women dedicate far more energy to appearance than to cultivating intelligence?
Because most men are foolish, but very few lack eyesight.
Men And Parking Spots
What similarity exists between men and parking spaces?
The worthwhile ones are always claimed and those available are defective.
Men
Men function like savings accounts. Absent substantial capital, they generate minimal fascination.
How To Get Rid Of Roaches
How does an unmarried woman solve her roach problem?
She demands they commit to her.
Wife
What distinguishes a terrorist from a spouse?
You can reach an agreement with the terrorist!
Men Are Like Diplomas
In what regard do men resemble academic degrees?
You invest considerable time earning one, yet after acquiring it, you're puzzled about its utility.
What does “WIFE” stand for?
Laundry
Pressing garments
Cooking
Leisure activities
Lazy
How can you determine if a man you're involved with is indolent?
He flings his affection to you.
Times Bachelor Made His Bed
How frequently does the average single man's bed get made during his lifetime?
Once, at the factory before delivery.
What is the term for a woman away from the kitchen?
What do you label a woman who is away from the kitchen?
Answer: A fugitive
40 Year Old Man and Woman
What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.
Best Foot Forward
What typically happens when a man displays his finest effort?
It ends up coming out of his mouth!
A question of time
Why don't women need to wear watches?
There's a clock on the oven!
Why Women Live Longer
Why do women live longer than men?
Somebody needs to stay and clean up after them.
Food Better Than Men
Why is food superior to men?
Since you don't have to wait sixty minutes between servings.
The Distinction Between Man and Childbirth
How do you distinguish between a man and childbirth?
One can cause intense suffering and prove nearly unbearable, while the other is simply the act of having a baby.
