For kids


Mr. Owls

Knock knock.
– Who’s there?
– Owls who?
That’s right! Owls hoo!

How do you make a tissue dance?

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.

Which day does a fish hate?

Which day does a fish hate?

Why did the fish Blush?

Why did the fish Blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.


Q: Why are fish in the sea smarter than animals on land.
A: Because they travel in schools.

Pirate Joke

What was the pirate movie rated?

The Lettuce Joke

What did the salad say when the cabbage interrupted their meal?
Lettuce alone!

Sleeping Bull

Q: What do you call a Sleeping Bull?
A: A Bull-Dozer!
Will you remember me??
Hey bob,”Will you remember me tomorrow??”
“Will you remember me next week??”
“Will you remember me next month??”
“Will you remember me next year??”
“Knock Knock”
“Who’s There??”
“See, you forgot me already!!!!!!”

The Big Pencil

Question: What’s the biggest pencil in the World?
Answer: Pennsylvania!

Cows Earthquake

Q. What do you get when a cow gets stuck in an Earth quake?
A. A milk shake!


What kind of ear does a train have?
an Engineer

Gum Crossing

Why did the gum cross the road?
-it was stuck to the chickens foot!

Snowman and a vampire?

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

One-eyed dinosaur

What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
A doyouthinkhesaurus!

Cars that Start

Can You name 3 Cars that start with P?
Nope, they all start with Gas!


What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?


What is a frogs favorite drink?

How many seconds are in a year?

How many seconds are in a year?Answer: There are 12 seconds in a year. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…


Q: What did the mayonsaise say to the refrigetrator?
A: Shut the door, I’m dressing!

Panda Bear

What is black and white and red all over?
A panda bear with diaper rash!


What do you call a witch at the beach?
I don’t know?
A sand-witch!


Q:What do you get when a duck and a cow cross the road?
A:Milk and Quackers

Smoking Dragon

Q: What’s the difference between the dinosaur and a dragon…?
A: Dinosaurs are too young to SMOKE!

Driving In Fog Riddle

Q: When driving through fog what should you use?
A: Your car!

If a frog parks

Q. What happens when a forg parks illegaly?
A. It gets toad!

The skeleton

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts!

What kind of bunny…..

What kind of bunny drinks coffee?
Mugs bunny!

Milk Truck

Q: What gives milk and has one horn?
A: A milk truck!


What did the ballerina do when she hurt her foot?
She called the toe truck!

Ghostly Giggle

Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
Because you can see right through him.

The rain cloud

What did the rain cloud where under his rain coat?
Answer: Thunder wear!

Museum Funny!

Q: What did King Tut say to the museum?
A: I want my mummy!

I’m Hungry

Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry?
A: Booger King!!!


Why did the jellybean jump off the cliff?
Because he wanted to be a smarty!

Football try-outs

Q: Why didn’t the monster make the football team?
A: Because he threw like a ghoul!

The beach

How did the sand get wet?
The sea weed!

What do you call…

What do you call a guy who hangs around?

The Astronaut Joke

What did the astronaut see in his skillet pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object!

Longest word

What’s the longest word?
Why? Because it has a mile in it!


Why did the baseball coach throw Cinderella off the team?
Because she ran away from the ball.

Bottom Start

Dad: The only way to acquire a new skill is to start at the bottom.
Son: But I want to learn to swim?

Cannibal and Clown

Q: What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating the clown?
A: “Does this taste funny to you?”


Two Nuts Where Walking Down The Street.
One Was A Salted!

Fruit of your Life

What did 1 strawberry say to another?
Answer, if you weren’t so fresh you wouldn’t be in this jam!

Cat joke

What kind of cereal do cats eat?
Mice Crispies!

Pantsy Golfer

Q: Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?
A: Just in case he got a hole-in-one!


Why did Mrs.Tomatoe turn red?
She saw Mr.Green Pea!

The Frustrated Bee

Why was the bee flying around with his legs crossed?
He couldn’t find a BP station!


What do you call a cow with no legs?

Tired On 1 April

Why were the Scouts so tired on April 1?
Because they had just finished a 31 day March!

Fishy Talk

Q: How to communicate with a fish?
A: Drop him a line!

Why Birds Fly South

Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk!

What’s the difference…

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train??
A: A teacher says “spit out that gum” and a train says “choo choo choo!”


Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9!


Daffynition: Hummingbird- A bird who forgot the lines to a song!


If you went to New York City for vacation and found eggs everywhere, what would the city’s new name be?
New Yolk City!

Why did the boy…

Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
It was a high school.

Turtle Crossing

Q: Why did the Turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station.


Why did God give deers eyes?
I have no eye-deer!

Another Chicken Joke

Why did the rabbit cross the road? – Chicken’s day off!

Crew Cut

What do you call an Eagle Scout with a crew cut?
A bald eagle!

How do guys in jail…

How do prisoners in jail talk to each other?
With their cell phones!

Door joke

When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.

Flea Cure

Doctor, Doctor. Have you got anything that will cure fleas?
Maybe, what made them sick?

Heads and Tails

How is a dog’s tail like the center of a tree?
It’s furthest from the bark!


What do you get when you cut a banana in two?

A Shorty

Q. What is Black and White and Red all over?
A. A Newspapaer

Count Down

What goes up when you count down?
A Rocket Ship!

A duck

What does a duck like to eat?
A quacker!

Blue Elephants

1. How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
2. How do you kill a pink elephant?
Twist his nose until he turns blue and then use the blue elephant gun.

Scary Seven

Whiy is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!

Why did the…

Q. Why did the male sheep fall off the cliff?
A. He didn’t see the Ewe turn!

Fruit joke!

What have an apple and an orange got in common?
Neither of them can drive a tractor!

Mr. Clean

Did you hear Mr. Clean is in the hospital?
He has ammonia.

I’m a Dustbin

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dustbin.
Psychiatrist: Don’t talk such rubbish!


Two chickens were talking and one chicken said to a the other chicken “who is your favorite music composer?”
The second chicken responds “bach, bach, bach!”

The Parting of the Red Sea

How did Moses part the Red Sea?
With a seesaw!

Black Peas???

How did Black eye peas get their name?
They were fighting over the Chick peas!

Casket Talk

What did one casket say to the other ?
Was that you coffin?

The Belt

Why was the belt arrested?
Because it held up a pair of pants!

The chicken

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!

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