For kids
Mr. Owls
Knock knock.
– Who is it?
Owls.
– Owls what?
Exactly! Owls hoo!
In what way can you make a tissue dance?
In what way can you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
Which day does a fish hate?
Which day does a fish hate the most?
Fryday
Why did the fish Blush?
What made the fish turn red?
It caught sight of the ocean's bottom.
Fish
Q: Why do sea fish seem more intelligent than land-dwelling animals?
A: Because they travel in schools.
Pirate Joke
How was the pirate movie rated?
ARRRRRRR
The Lettuce Joke
What did the salad tell the cabbage when it interrupted their meal?
Lettuce alone!
Sleeping Bull
Q: What's a sleeping bull called?
A: A Bull-Dozer!
Will you remember me??
Hey Bob,"Will you remember me tomorrow??"
"Sure"
"Will you remember me a week from now??"
"Sure"
"Will you remember me in a month??"
"Sure"
"Will you remember me a year from now??"
"Yeah"
"Knock Knock"
"Who is it??"
"See, you already forgot me!!!!!!"
The Big Pencil
Question: What is the world's biggest pencil?
Answer: Pennsylvania!
Cows Earthquake
Q. What do you get if a cow gets trapped during an earthquake?
A. A milk shake!
Ears
What kind of ear does a locomotive have?
an Engineer
Gum Crossing
Why did the gum go across the road?
- it was stuck to the chicken's foot!
Snowman and a vampire?
What's the result when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frost-bite!
One-eyed dinosaur
How would you name a dinosaur with one eye?
A doyouthinkhesaurus!
Cars that Start
Can you name three cars that start with P?
Nope, they all start with Gas!
Elephant
What do you get if you combine a fish and an elephant?
SWIMMING TRUNKS !!!
Ribbet!
What beverage does a frog prefer most?
Croak-a-cola!
How many seconds does a year contain?
How many seconds are in a year?Answer: There are 12 seconds in a year. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…
Mayonaise
Q: What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
A: Close the door, I'm dressing!
Panda Bear
What's black and white and red at the same time?
A panda bear with diaper rash!
Witch
What do you call a witch who hangs out at the beach?
I'm not sure?
A sand-witch!
Crackers
Q: What do you get if a duck and a cow cross the road?
A: Milk and Quackers
Smoking Dragon
Q: How does a dinosaur differ from a dragon?
A: Dinosaurs haven't reached the age to SMOKE!
Driving In Fog Riddle
Q: What should you use when driving through fog?
A: Your car!
If a frog parks
Q. What occurs when a frog parks illegally?
A. It gets toad!
The skeleton
Why wouldn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts!
What kind of bunny…..
What type of bunny enjoys drinking coffee?
Mugs bunny!
Milk Truck
Q: What produces milk and has one horn?
A: A milk truck!
Ballerina
What did the ballerina do after she injured her foot?
She called the toe truck!
Ghostly Giggle
Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
Because you can see right through him.
The rain cloud
What was under the rain cloud's raincoat?
Answer: Thunder wear!
Museum Funny!
Q: What did King Tut say to the museum?
A: I want my mummy!
I’m Hungry
Q: Where does your nose go when it becomes hungry?
A: Booger King!!!
Jellybean
Why did the jellybean decide to jump off the cliff?
Because he wanted to be a smarty!
Football try-outs
Q: Why wasn't the monster selected for the football team?
A: Because he threw like a ghoul!
The beach
How did the sand become saturated?
The sea weed!
What do you call…
What do you call a person who constantly hangs around?
Art!
The Astronaut Joke
What object did the astronaut spot in his skillet?
An Unidentified Frying Object!
Longest word
Which word is the longest?
Smiles!
Why? Because there's a mile inside it!
Cinderella
Why did the baseball coach remove Cinderella from the team?
Because she ran away from the ball.
Bottom Start
Dad: The only way to master a new skill is by starting at the bottom.
Son: But I want to learn to swim?
Cannibal and Clown
Q: What did one cannibal ask the other while eating the clown?
A: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Nuts
Two Nuts Where Strolling Down The Street.
One Was A Salted!
Fruit of your Life
What did 1 strawberry tell another?
Answer: Had you not been so fresh, you wouldn't be in this jam!
Cat joke
What type of cereal do felines prefer?
Mice Crispies!
Pantsy Golfer
Q: Why did the golfer put on 2 pairs of trousers?
A: Just in case he got a hole-in-one!
Tomato
Why did Mrs. Tomato turn red?
She caught sight of Mr. Green Pea!
The Frustrated Bee
Why was the bee flying about with his legs crossed?
He couldn't locate a BP station!
Cow
How would you describe a cow with no legs?
GROUND BEEF!
Tired On 1 April
Why were the Scouts so tired on April 1?
Because they had just finished a 31 day March!
Fishy Talk
Q: What is the way to communicate with a fish?
A: Drop him a line!
Why Birds Fly South
Why do birds travel south when winter comes?
Because the distance is too great to walk!
What’s the difference…
Q: What sets a teacher apart from a train?
A: A teacher says "spit out that gum" and a train says "choo choo choo!"
Numbers
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9!
Daffynition
Daffynition: Hummingbird - A feathered creature that has lost the lyrics to a song!
New…
If you traveled to New York City for vacation and discovered eggs everywhere, what should the city be renamed?
New Yolk City!
Why did the boy…
Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
It was a high school.
Turtle Crossing
Q: Why did the turtle decide to cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station.
Creation
Why did God provide deer with eyes?
I have no eye-deer!
Another Chicken Joke
Why did the rabbit want to cross the road? – It was the chicken's day off!
Crew Cut
What do you call an Eagle Scout sporting a crew cut?
A bald eagle!
How do guys in jail…
How do inmates communicate while incarcerated?
They use their cell phones!
Door joke
At what point does a door stop being a door?
When it stands ajar.
Flea Cure
Doctor, Doctor. Do you have any remedy for fleas?
Perhaps - what illness did they catch?
Heads and Tails
In what way does a dog's tail resemble a tree's interior?
It's the part most removed from the bark!
Banana
If you slice a banana into two halves, what do you obtain?
A BANANA SPLIT!
A Shorty
Q. What appears Black and White and Red all over?
A. A Newspaper
Count Down
What ascends as you count downward?
A Rocket Ship!
A duck
What is the favored meal of a duck?
A quacker!
Blue Elephants
1. What is the method for eliminating a blue elephant?
A blue elephant gun.
2. How about a pink elephant?
Turn its nose until it becomes blue and then use the blue elephant gun.
Scary Seven
Why does six fear seven?
Because seven consumed nine!
Why did the…
Q. For what reason did the ram tumble over the cliff?
A. He failed to notice the ewe making a turn!
Fruit joke!
What is shared between an apple and an orange?
Neither possesses the ability to drive a tractor!
Mr. Clean
Have you learned that Mr. Clean is hospitalized?
His condition is ammonia.
I’m a Dustbin
Patient: Doctor, I constantly believe I am a rubbish bin.
Psychiatrist: Refrain from speaking such nonsense!
Chickens
While two hens conversed, one asked her companion, "Who is your preferred musical composer?"
The second hen answered, "bach, bach, bach!"
The Parting of the Red Sea
What means did Moses use to divide the Red Sea?
A seesaw!
Black Peas???
What is the source of the name Black eye peas?
They had a conflict regarding the Chick peas!
Casket Talk
What did one casket ask its companion?
Were you coffin?
The Belt
What was the belt's crime?
It held up a pair of trousers!
The chicken
For what reason did the chicken cross the playground?
To reach the other slide!
