Culture Shock
Propriety is invariably propriety—or so thought Miranda Ingram, an Englishwoman, before marrying her Russian husband Alexander.
Upon first meeting Alexander, he requested in Russian, 'Nalei mnye chai—bring me tea', and I reacted with irritation, saying, 'Get it yourself'. If one were to render this into English in its literal form, omitting 'Could you….?' and 'please', it comes across as extremely impolite to English ears. In the Russian language, however, such directness is perfectly acceptable—there is no requirement to include courtesy expressions.
Yet when I brought Alexander to England to introduce him to my family, I found myself obliged to provide him with extensive instruction in the use of 'please' and 'thank you' (which he deemed utterly pointless), to insist he apologize even when others were at fault, and to emphasize the importance of constant smiling.
What further baffled Alexander was the English habit of framing requests indirectly—for instance, 'Would you mind passing me the salt, please?' His response was: 'After all, it's just salt! How then do English speakers ask for something when they truly need help?'
He also observed with shock at an English dinner party that despite consuming rather unpleasant fare, I announced, 'Mmm….delicious.' Russians, by contrast, express themselves candidly. On his mother's initial visit to our Moscow residence for supper, she remarked directly that my soup lacked sufficient seasoning. In the ensuing disagreement, Alexander asked, 'Would you rather our guests deceive us?'
Alexander expressed frustration that he seemed 'like the village idiot' in England, explaining that in Russia constant smiling is perceived as peculiar. Ironically, his friends had formed precisely this impression of me during my first visit to Russia, when I smiled at everyone and laboriously rendered every 'please' and 'thank you' into Russian!
We have since reached a compromise at home. When conversing in Russian, he is permitted to say 'Pour me some tea' and merely emit a sound—say, a grunt—as acknowledgement when I do so. Conversely, when we speak English, he is required to include 'please', 'thank you', and an accompanying smile.
(Preuzeto iz New English File Intermediate, Student's Book)
