The cow

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

Frog meets a Psychic

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”
“No,” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”

Lucky dog

What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pit bull.

My Paw

A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the old west and siddles up to the bar and announces:
“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

Why do….

Why do hummingbirds hum?
They forgot the words……


A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says…
“Why the long face?”

99 Click

Q. What goes 99 click?
A. A centipede with a wooden leg.

Bad dog

Q) What do you call a dog with no legs?
A) It doesn’t matter, he won’t come!

The Fish

What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall?

Dog life…

Ever walk into a room and forget what you came in for?
Well, that’s probably how dogs spend most of their lives…

Blubber trouble

Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair.

The Lion

What did the lion say when he saw two hunters in a jeep?
Meals on Wheels!


Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay, they would be called baygulls!
(baygull-bagel. ha ha ha.)


What did the bird say when his cage fell apart?
Answer: Cheep-Cheap

Energizer Bunny arrested!

Did you hear?
The Energizer bunny has been arrested for Battery.

Preparing Chickens

Went to lunch with a friend today to a new chicken place. We asked how they prepare their chickens.
“We just tell them they’re going to die.”

Dogs and fleas

Good question…
Do dogs have fleas, or do fleas have dog?

A Polar Bear

How do you catch a polar bear?
You dig a hole in the ice and place peas all around it, and when the polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole!

Outside a Dog…

“Outside a dog, a book is a great companion.
Inside a dog, it’s pretty dark!”


What’s the difference between a duck?
One of it’s legs is both the same.
(just say it to confuse people)

Packing Elephants

How do you put six elephants in a Volkswagen?
…Three in front and three in back…


Where does a 200 ton elephant sit?
Anywhere he wants!

How Many cochroaches…?

Q.) How Many cochroaches does it take to turn on a light?
A.) No one knows…when the light comes on they all scatter!

How many polish people does it take to milk a cow?

9, four to hold the legs, four to hold the udders, and one to tell them when to move the cow up and down.

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