For kids
Mr. Owls
Knock knock.
– Who’s there?
Owls.
– Owls who?
That’s right! Owls hoo!
How do you make a tissue dance?
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
Which day does a fish hate?
Which day does a fish hate?
Fryday
Why did the fish Blush?
Why did the fish Blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
Fish
Q: Why are fish in the sea smarter than animals on land.
A: Because they travel in schools.
Pirate Joke
What was the pirate movie rated?
ARRRRRRR
The Lettuce Joke
What did the salad say when the cabbage interrupted their meal?
Lettuce alone!
Sleeping Bull
Q: What do you call a Sleeping Bull?
A: A Bull-Dozer!
Will you remember me??
Hey bob,”Will you remember me tomorrow??”
“Yes”
“Will you remember me next week??”
“Yes”
“Will you remember me next month??”
“Yes”
“Will you remember me next year??”
“Yeah”
“Knock Knock”
“Who’s There??”
“See, you forgot me already!!!!!!”
The Big Pencil
Question: What’s the biggest pencil in the World?
Answer: Pennsylvania!
Cows Earthquake
Q. What do you get when a cow gets stuck in an Earth quake?
A. A milk shake!
Ears
What kind of ear does a train have?
an Engineer
Gum Crossing
Why did the gum cross the road?
-it was stuck to the chickens foot!
Snowman and a vampire?
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost-bite!
One-eyed dinosaur
What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
A doyouthinkhesaurus!
Cars that Start
Can You name 3 Cars that start with P?
Nope, they all start with Gas!
Elephant
What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
SWIMMING TRUNKS !!!
Ribbet!
What is a frogs favorite drink?
Croak-a-cola!
How many seconds are in a year?
How many seconds are in a year?Answer: There are 12 seconds in a year. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…
Mayonaise
Q: What did the mayonsaise say to the refrigetrator?
A: Shut the door, I’m dressing!
Panda Bear
What is black and white and red all over?
A panda bear with diaper rash!
Witch
What do you call a witch at the beach?
I don’t know?
A sand-witch!
Crackers
Q:What do you get when a duck and a cow cross the road?
A:Milk and Quackers
Smoking Dragon
Q: What’s the difference between the dinosaur and a dragon…?
A: Dinosaurs are too young to SMOKE!
Driving In Fog Riddle
Q: When driving through fog what should you use?
A: Your car!
If a frog parks
Q. What happens when a forg parks illegaly?
A. It gets toad!
The skeleton
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts!
What kind of bunny…..
What kind of bunny drinks coffee?
Mugs bunny!
Milk Truck
Q: What gives milk and has one horn?
A: A milk truck!
Ballerina
What did the ballerina do when she hurt her foot?
She called the toe truck!
Ghostly Giggle
Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
Because you can see right through him.
The rain cloud
What did the rain cloud where under his rain coat?
Answer: Thunder wear!
Museum Funny!
Q: What did King Tut say to the museum?
A: I want my mummy!
I’m Hungry
Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry?
A: Booger King!!!
Jellybean
Why did the jellybean jump off the cliff?
Because he wanted to be a smarty!
Football try-outs
Q: Why didn’t the monster make the football team?
A: Because he threw like a ghoul!
The beach
How did the sand get wet?
The sea weed!
What do you call…
What do you call a guy who hangs around?
Art!
The Astronaut Joke
What did the astronaut see in his skillet pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object!
Longest word
What’s the longest word?
Smiles!
Why? Because it has a mile in it!
Cinderella
Why did the baseball coach throw Cinderella off the team?
Because she ran away from the ball.
Bottom Start
Dad: The only way to acquire a new skill is to start at the bottom.
Son: But I want to learn to swim?
Cannibal and Clown
Q: What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating the clown?
A: “Does this taste funny to you?”
Nuts
Two Nuts Where Walking Down The Street.
One Was A Salted!
Fruit of your Life
What did 1 strawberry say to another?
Answer, if you weren’t so fresh you wouldn’t be in this jam!
Cat joke
What kind of cereal do cats eat?
Mice Crispies!
Pantsy Golfer
Q: Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?
A: Just in case he got a hole-in-one!
Tomato
Why did Mrs.Tomatoe turn red?
She saw Mr.Green Pea!
The Frustrated Bee
Why was the bee flying around with his legs crossed?
He couldn’t find a BP station!
Cow
What do you call a cow with no legs?
GROUND BEEF!
Tired On 1 April
Why were the Scouts so tired on April 1?
Because they had just finished a 31 day March!
Fishy Talk
Q: How to communicate with a fish?
A: Drop him a line!
Why Birds Fly South
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk!
What’s the difference…
Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train??
A: A teacher says “spit out that gum” and a train says “choo choo choo!”
Numbers
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9!
Daffynition
Daffynition: Hummingbird- A bird who forgot the lines to a song!
New…
If you went to New York City for vacation and found eggs everywhere, what would the city’s new name be?
New Yolk City!
Why did the boy…
Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
It was a high school.
Turtle Crossing
Q: Why did the Turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station.
Creation
Why did God give deers eyes?
I have no eye-deer!
Another Chicken Joke
Why did the rabbit cross the road? – Chicken’s day off!
Crew Cut
What do you call an Eagle Scout with a crew cut?
A bald eagle!
How do guys in jail…
How do prisoners in jail talk to each other?
With their cell phones!
Door joke
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
Flea Cure
Doctor, Doctor. Have you got anything that will cure fleas?
Maybe, what made them sick?
Heads and Tails
How is a dog’s tail like the center of a tree?
It’s furthest from the bark!
Banana
What do you get when you cut a banana in two?
A BANANA SPLIT!
A Shorty
Q. What is Black and White and Red all over?
A. A Newspapaer
Count Down
What goes up when you count down?
A Rocket Ship!
A duck
What does a duck like to eat?
A quacker!
Blue Elephants
1. How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
2. How do you kill a pink elephant?
Twist his nose until he turns blue and then use the blue elephant gun.
Scary Seven
Whiy is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why did the…
Q. Why did the male sheep fall off the cliff?
A. He didn’t see the Ewe turn!
Fruit joke!
What have an apple and an orange got in common?
Neither of them can drive a tractor!
Mr. Clean
Did you hear Mr. Clean is in the hospital?
He has ammonia.
I’m a Dustbin
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dustbin.
Psychiatrist: Don’t talk such rubbish!
Chickens
Two chickens were talking and one chicken said to a the other chicken “who is your favorite music composer?”
The second chicken responds “bach, bach, bach!”
The Parting of the Red Sea
How did Moses part the Red Sea?
With a seesaw!
Black Peas???
How did Black eye peas get their name?
They were fighting over the Chick peas!
Casket Talk
What did one casket say to the other ?
Was that you coffin?
The Belt
Why was the belt arrested?
Because it held up a pair of pants!
The chicken
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!