Miscellaneous

Cheap Rooms 4 Rent
Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It’s $5 if you’ll make your own bed.
Guest: I’ll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood.

Safety tip
Calculus and automobiles don’t mix — never drink and derive

Mistakes
I never make the same mistake twice–I’m too busy making new ones.

Thoughts
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

The morning after…
Don’t hate yourself in the morning – sleep till noon.

Boomerang
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.

What’s the definition of strain?
Q: What’s the definition of strain?
A: Teeth marks in the toilet seat!

Gas stations..
Why do they always lock the bathroom doors at gas stations?
Are they afraid someone might clean them!

How do crazy people get through the forest?
How do crazy people get through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

Illiterate?
Illiterate? No problem!
Write for free advice.

What’s coming but never comes?
What’s coming but never comes?
Tomorrow!

Indifference
Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?

Living on Earth
“Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun!”

Idiots

Empty upstairs!
The problem with keeping an open mind is that all my ideas tend to fall out.

The mime!
I put a blank cassette tape in my tape stereo last night and turned the volume all the way up….the mime next door went nuts!

Skylights
I had skylights installed at my place the other day…the people that live upstairs are really mad!

Brightness
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s a knob called ‘brightness’, but it doesn’t work.

Paranoid Idiot
Q: What happens when a paranoid has low self-esteem?
A: He thinks that nobody important is out to get him.

Help!
Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!!!
Okay, sir, you’re an ambulance!

See Model Home
Real estate man: Would you like to see a model home?
Man: I sure would, when does she get off work?

0511-0709-0620-2149_Judge_With_His_Gavel_clipart_image

Lawyer

Road-killed lawyer
Q: What’s the difference between a road-killed deer and a road-killed lawyer?
A: There’s skid marks in front of the deer!

Good Lawyers?
What is the difference between a good Lawyer and a great Lawyer?
Answer: A good Lawyer knows the law and a great Lawyer knows the Judge!!!

Inventing Wire
How was wire invented?
Two lawyers pulling on a penny.

Lawyer Stamps?
The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them.
The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!

1,000 lawyers…
What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start!

Conflict of Interest
Having lawyers create laws is like have doctors create diseases!

honor roll2 clipart

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