Occasions
Christmas and a day at the office?
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Absent Minded Husband
Anniversaries and birthdays complicate my life.
I’m an absent-minded husband of a present-minded wife.
The dyslexic satanist.
Who did the dyslexic satanist worship?
Santa.
Sports
Boxing Referee
And then there was the boxing referee who used to work for NASA;
every time a fighter would go down, he’d start counting “10, 9, 8….”
The Elderly
When I die…
When I die I want to go peacefully — like my grandfather did — In his sleep.
Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
Work/school
A Train and a Teacher?
What’s the difference between a Train and Teacher?
A train says, “Chew, Chew!” and a Teacher says, “Spit the gum out!”
Driving Examiner
Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!
Doctor: Never mind, you’ll pass eventually.
Liz: But I’m the examiner!
